A Modest Project

By Alex Maxwell

This is a satirical piece in the vein of “A Modest Proposal”. If you didn’t understand that reference, Google it.

Group projects can either be the best part of a semester, or the bane of everyone’s existence, including mine. There is a way to combat social loafing though, and it is called “Rely only on yourself.”

Let’s face it, you can exchange numbers, see each other in class, text each other that “Hey, that group project is due in week, maybe we should get together and do it,” but what comes out of that?

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Radio silence.

Those other group members might as well be dead, because the odds of them stepping in to help are just about as good as resurrecting someone.

So here is an easy five step plan for you to get a group project done in an orderly manner.

Step One: Ask group mates for their numbers. Send a text, but only receive a reply on the morning it is due, asking if anyone did the project.

Step Two: Create a step by step plan on how you are going to do work meant for several students in time limit given to you.

Step Three: Burn the plan, because you can do it tomorrow… or the next day.

Step Four: Forget the project’s due date until the professor reminds you the day before about the assignment.

Step Five: Spend all day, all night, get maybe thirty minutes of sleep and accept defeat, because next semester is you’re probably going to have two of these.